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Recent Chapters in the Life of a College Instructing Breastfeeding Mother

In breastpumping, college, scary clowns, teaching, teaching grammar, Uncategorized, warrior women, working mother on February 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Chapter One

One fine day not too long ago, a certain nameless college instructor wakes up at 6, feeds the baby, showers, eats, pumps milk for said baby, dresses herself, attempts to apply makeup without looking like a scary clown:

Me on Way to Work

then puts on her big ugly snow boots, scrapes the snow from the car, and drives to work.  When she arrives at work, she reaches for the bag that should contain her pretty, professional boots only to realize that said bag is theoretical as it actually remains happily sitting in her hallway back at home.  She is faced with this dilemma:  wear big, ugly boots with not-skinny-legged pants ballooning out of them for two hours of class or go shoeless.  She chooses the shoeless option and decides not to make reference to it in her class, despite the fact the class focuses on professional comportent, of which grooming is a key component.

After class, said college instructor texts her husband in the manner in which her students send her emails:

Shoo-lss.  Pls brg to offce.  i cn fdd bb wyle hr. 

Our heroine feeds baby, shows him off, spouse takes baby home, heroine gets lunch and is standing in line to pay when she realizes her pants feel funny.  She returns to her office and realizes her pants, those “all-the-rage-glorified-maternity-comfort-top-pants” have been on backwards all day.  Here she thought the pants were baggy in front because she was losing stomach pudge.

Chapter 2

The next week, our heroine is very proud of herself because she manages to pump 10 ounces of breastmilk while at work.  But then looks at the clock:

She is late for class!  She is in a hurry to gather up her materials, hide her wallet and her preciioussss (iphone) as her office is not that secure, when she notices 10 ounces of breastmilk pouring fecundly over three classes worth of student assignments.

Chapter 3

Smoothly, calmly, she puts the breastmilk debacle behind her and glides into class.  This class takes place in a computer lab, and for some reason students not enrolled in her class think it’s ok to come in and use the computers for their own purposes.  One particular student will not leave when our instructor asks her and becomes quite belligerent, calls the instructor unreasonable and that she will report her, the instructor, for being unreasonable.  Our instructor, however, is a mother who cannot tolerate insubordination and has birthed two Very Large babies out of her unmedicated loins and was beginning to fear for her own and her students’ safety and felt she could not be a doormat in this situation:

So called the Security Emergency Line handily programmed into the class phone.  Two large men with bullet-proof vests appeared.  Student became enraged when older security gaurd began calmly introducing himself.  Said instructor was ridiculous.  Was promptly escorted out and one security guard stood outside class for the duration. 

Instructor is left a bit weak in her extremeties and angst and wonder filled.   How do people grow up to act this way (earlier in the day our grammar queen had to argue about facebooking in class with a student who was outright snarky)?  If instructor had been an older, bigger man, would student have been so belligerent?  Why must everything be a big power struggle?  Why does she continue in this job?  (Because there are many wonderful, funny students too….)

To be continued…

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